\u2013 Evd\u0259 t\u0259k qal\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z?<\/p>\n
\u2013 H\u0259.<\/p>\n
\u2013 Dar\u0131xm\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Yox. Dar\u0131xma\u011fa vaxt olmur.<\/p>\n
\u2013 H\u0259r halda, y\u0259qin ki, iki insan\u0131n ard-arda evd\u0259n getm\u0259si h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131za t\u0259sirsiz \u00f6t\u00fc\u015fm\u0259yib.<\/p>\n
\u2013 \u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r anam \u00f6z evind\u0259 ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131. Son iki ild\u0259 is\u0259 x\u0259st\u0259liyi il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 olaraq m\u0259niml\u0259 qal\u0131rd\u0131. M\u0259n art\u0131q \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn bir evd\u0259 ya\u015fama\u011f\u0131na \u00f6yr\u0259\u015fmi\u015fdim. Q\u0131z\u0131m ail\u0259 qurdu, evd\u0259n getdi, anam d\u00fcnyas\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015fdi, evimizi t\u0259rk el\u0259di. V\u0259 bir anda el\u0259 bil ki…<\/p>\n
Y\u0259qin m\u0259ni q\u0131nayacaqs\u0131n\u0131z. Amma anlay\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131zm\u0131, bel\u0259 olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmirdim. O, el\u0259 ilk suallar\u0131ma o q\u0259d\u0259r soyuqqanl\u0131l\u0131qla cavab verirdi ki, m\u0259ni sad\u0259c\u0259, maraq g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc.\u00a0 Cavablar\u0131n\u00a0 duy\u011fusal olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, bu q\u0259d\u0259r soyuqqanl\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr el\u0259mirdim. Bu t\u0259mkinl\u0259, rahatl\u0131qla cavab verm\u0259yi sonad\u0259k bacarsayd\u0131, h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n d\u0259 el\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259kdim ki, anan\u0131 itirm\u0259k Jal\u0259 \u018fliyeva ya\u015fda v\u0259 statusda olan qad\u0131nlar v\u0259 ki\u015fil\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7ox adidi. Amma t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcf ki, \u00fc\u00e7 n\u00f6qt\u0259d\u0259n sonra Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m\u0131n, cavablar\u0131ndak\u0131 soyuqqanl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 inam\u0131 bird\u0259n-bir\u0259 yoxa \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131. G\u00fcn\u00fcn alt\u0131nda g\u0259zi\u015fdiyin yerd\u0259c\u0259, adam\u0131 nec\u0259 dolu vurursa, bax el\u0259c\u0259, q\u0259fild\u0259n xan\u0131m mill\u0259t v\u0259kili \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc saxlaya bilm\u0259di. A\u011flad\u0131. Sakitc\u0259. Amma bu sakitliyin i\u00e7ind\u0259ki haray qula\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bat\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131, o yan\u011f\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259n alovu \u0259limi-\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc qars\u0131rd\u0131. Yaln\u0131z ana \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bel\u0259 a\u011flamaq olar…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u00c7ox pis olmu\u015fdum. P\u0259rt idim. \u018fg\u0259r m\u0259n z\u0259rr\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 olsa onun simas\u0131nda, s\u0259sind\u0259 bir k\u00f6vr\u0259klik hiss ets\u0259ydim… h\u0259r halda m\u00f6vzuya daha h\u0259ssas yana\u015fma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fard\u0131m. Bir xeyli susduq…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 H\u0259r iki insan\u0131n eyni vaxta evd\u0259n getm\u0259sin\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259\u015fm\u0259k, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259 ki, \u00e7\u0259tindir. Amma g\u00fcnd\u0259lik qay\u011f\u0131lar, hadis\u0259l\u0259r s\u0259ni el\u0259 m\u0259craya y\u00f6n\u0259ldir ki, s\u00f6z\u00fcn \u0259sl m\u0259nas\u0131nda ba\u015f\u0131n qar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. M\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ana v\u0259 \u00f6vlad m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259ri ifad\u0259 olunmazd\u0131. H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 u\u015faq evl\u0259rin\u0259 getm\u0259k arzusunda olmu\u015fam. Amma ged\u0259 bilm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. Etiraf edir\u0259m ki, buna irad\u0259m \u00e7atm\u0131r. \u0130ndi oldu\u011fu kimi o u\u015faqlar\u0131n, o m\u00fc\u0259lliml\u0259rin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 saxlaya bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yim\u0259 \u0259min\u0259m. Uzaqdan maraqlan\u0131ram, bacard\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00f6m\u0259kliyi edir\u0259m, amma onlara yax\u0131nla\u015fa bilmir\u0259m. U\u015faqlar\u0131n n\u0259vazi\u015f\u0259 h\u0259sr\u0259t \u00fczl\u0259rini, \u0259ll\u0259rini g\u00f6rm\u0259k m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7ox pis t\u0259sir edir. Yeniyetm\u0259 ik\u0259n,\u00a0 r\u0259fiq\u0259l\u0259riml\u0259 s\u00f6hb\u0259t ed\u0259nd\u0259, demi\u015fdim ki, Allaha dua edir\u0259m, ya m\u0259nim can\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6vlad\u0131m olana q\u0259d\u0259r als\u0131n. Ya da m\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259rd, x\u0259st\u0259lik g\u00f6nd\u0259r\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259, onu el\u0259 vaxt g\u00f6nd\u0259rsin ki, o zaman \u00f6vlad\u0131m\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 he\u00e7 bir ehtiyac\u0131 olmas\u0131n. Yax\u0131nlarda anam\u0131 itir\u0259nd\u0259 sinif yolda\u015flar\u0131m bunlar\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 xat\u0131rlatd\u0131. Dedil\u0259r, s\u0259n anan\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcn ayaq \u00fcst\u0259 m\u00f6hk\u0259m dayand\u0131\u011f\u0131n zamanda itirdin. Amma h\u0259m d\u0259 a\u011fr\u0131l\u0131 ke\u00e7irdirs\u0259n. Deyir, valideynin ya\u015f\u0131 olmur. M\u0259n dey\u0259rdim ki, anan\u0131n he\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131 olmur. El\u0259 bilir\u0259m ki, h\u0259tta bundan bir ne\u00e7\u0259 il sonra da anam d\u00fcnyadan k\u00f6\u00e7m\u00fc\u015f olsayd\u0131, yen\u0259 d\u0259, \u201cn\u0259yis\u0259 ed\u0259 bilm\u0259dim\u201d, \u201cn\u0259yis\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131rma\u011f\u0131 bacarmad\u0131m\u201d kimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259r m\u0259ni rahat buraxmayacaqd\u0131. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, bu q\u0259d\u0259r duy\u011fulara qap\u0131lmamal\u0131y\u0131q, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259, bir g\u00fcn g\u0259l\u0259n, bir g\u00fcn gedir.<\/p>\n Bu yerd\u0259, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259, siz d\u0259 olsan\u0131z soru\u015fard\u0131n\u0131z ki, ax\u0131 daxil\u0259n olduqca azad Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m, h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 daha \u00e7ox \u00f6z\u00fc ist\u0259diyi kimi ya\u015fay\u0131b. He\u00e7 bir ehtiyac\u0131 v\u0259 maddi s\u0131x\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131 olmayan \u015fair \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn edilm\u0259mi\u015f n\u0259 ola bil\u0259rdi?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m natura etibaril\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 xas insan idi. \u00dcmumiyy\u0259tl\u0259, hesab edir\u0259m ki, \u015fairl\u0259r do\u011frudan da g\u00f6y adam\u0131d\u0131rlar. Oxuyub alim d\u0259 olmaq olar, h\u0259kim d\u0259 olmaq olar, h\u00fcquq\u015f\u00fcnas da olmaq olar. Amma biz \u015fairin bir misras\u0131n\u0131 yaza bilmiriks\u0259, dem\u0259li, onlar hardasa f\u00f6vq\u0259l-t\u0259bii varl\u0131qd\u0131rlar. Bunu el\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 deyirdi \u2013 istedad \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn m\u0259kt\u0259b yoxdur. B\u00fct\u00fcn bu f\u0259rqliliy\u0259 r\u0259\u011fm\u0259n onu raz\u0131 salmaq, onu hans\u0131sa h\u0259diyy\u0259 il\u0259 sevindirm\u0259k \u00e7ox \u00e7\u0259tin idi. H\u0259r il bayramlar qaba\u011f\u0131, yaxud ad g\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6nc\u0259si q\u0131z\u0131mla ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 s\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131q ki, anaya n\u0259 alaq? Qiym\u0259ti, mahiyy\u0259ti b\u00f6y\u00fck v\u0259 ya ki\u00e7ik olmas\u0131ndan as\u0131l\u0131 olmayaraq, n\u0259 fikirl\u0259\u015firdiks\u0259, ham\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na el\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz bir minus i\u015far\u0259si qoyurduq. \u00c7\u00fcnki bilirdik ki, o h\u0259diyy\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 n\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259k. Bu adam o q\u0259d\u0259r f\u00f6vq\u0259l, d\u00fcnya mal\u0131nda g\u00f6z\u00fc olmayan insan idi ki, ona g\u00fcc\u00fcm \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131 q\u0259d\u0259r \u0259n d\u0259y\u0259rli h\u0259diyy\u0259 d\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flasam, uzaqba\u015f\u0131, al\u0131b bir k\u0259nara qoyacaq v\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259kdi ki, laz\u0131m deyildi. M\u0259nim x\u0259trim\u0259 d\u0259ym\u0259sin dey\u0259, b\u0259lk\u0259 bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t saxlay\u0131b, sonra m\u0259nim g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n yay\u0131nanda kim\u0259s\u0259 h\u0259diyy\u0259 ed\u0259c\u0259kdi. Bu t\u0259bi\u0259td\u0259 olan adam\u0131 sevindirm\u0259k \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259 ki, \u00e7\u0259tin idi. Amma bilirdim ki, arzusunda oldu\u011fu \u015feyl\u0259r var idi. M\u0259nim onlar\u0131 etm\u0259yim\u0259 g\u00fcc\u00fcm \u00e7atmazd\u0131. El\u0259 \u015feyl\u0259r var ki, tale m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259sidir, al\u0131n yaz\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r. M\u0259n onu d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259 bilm\u0259zdim…<\/p>\n Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m yen\u0259 k\u00f6vr\u0259ldi. \u00c7al\u0131\u015facaqd\u0131m daha Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m haqq\u0131nda dan\u0131\u015fmayaq. Amma m\u0259ni q\u0131namay\u0131n, anas\u0131 haqq\u0131nda dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fc ist\u0259yirdi. M\u00f6vzunu q\u0259fil d\u0259yi\u015fib s\u00f6hb\u0259ti birba\u015fa siyas\u0259td\u0259ki f\u0259aliyy\u0259tin\u0259 y\u00f6nl\u0259ndirm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. O, bu \u00fcr\u0259kd\u0259, bu duy\u011fusall\u0131q v\u0259 k\u00f6vr\u0259klikd\u0259 \u00e7ox az h\u0259mkar\u0131na rast g\u0259lmi\u015fdim. B\u0259s, m\u0259nim bildiyim v\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm q\u0259d\u0259ri il\u0259 m\u00fclayim bu qad\u0131n Milli M\u0259clisd\u0259 nec\u0259 otura bilir? Sual\u0131ma etiraz\u0131n\u0131 bildirdi. Dedi, siz niy\u0259 ax\u0131 hesab edirsiniz ki, siyas\u0259td\u0259 olan insanlar\u0131n ham\u0131s\u0131 q\u0259lbsizdir. M\u0259n d\u0259 \u00e7ox x\u0131rdal\u0131\u011fa getm\u0259y\u0259r\u0259k, xat\u0131rlatd\u0131m ki, h\u0259r halda bu f\u0259aliyy\u0259tin ad\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259dir-siyas\u0259t. Burda m\u0259n bildiyim q\u0259d\u0259ri il\u0259 xeyli f\u0259rqli olmaq laz\u0131md\u0131. Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m etiraz\u0131nda israrl\u0131 idi:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Atalar deyib, \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck biclik, d\u00fczl\u00fckd\u00fcr. \u0130nsanlar\u0131 qeyri-s\u0259mimilikl\u0259, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t aldatmaq olar. Amma he\u00e7 kim a\u011f\u0131ls\u0131z deyil. M\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 ist\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr ya\u015faya bilm\u0259r\u0259m. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcr\u0259m ki, oldu\u011fu kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n siyas\u0259t\u00e7i, mill\u0259t v\u0259kili t\u0259k m\u0259n\u0259m. Siyas\u0259tl\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011ful olmaq he\u00e7 d\u0259 maska tax\u0131b \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc insanlardan gizl\u0259tm\u0259k dem\u0259k deyil. M\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lir ki, d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259m\u0259k u\u011furun \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck s\u0259b\u0259bidir.<\/p>\n Olduqca sad\u0259, olduqca istiqanl\u0131 olan Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m y\u0259qin ki, t\u0259kc\u0259 xarici g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 anas\u0131na b\u0259nz\u0259m\u0259mi\u015fdi. Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131mla oldu\u011fu kimi, onunla da \u00fcnsiyy\u0259t\u0259 o q\u0259d\u0259r rahat girm\u0259k olurdu ki, sanki uzun ill\u0259rin tan\u0131\u015f\u0131san. Boyas\u0131z d\u0131rnaqlar\u0131 v\u0259 sa\u00e7lar\u0131 anas\u0131n\u0131n t\u0259bi\u0259tind\u0259n g\u0259l\u0259n bir azadl\u0131qdan x\u0259b\u0259r verirdi. K\u00fcl\u0259k vurduqca daha \u00e7ox g\u00f6z\u0259 \u00e7arpan b\u0259yaz sa\u00e7lar is\u0259 deyirdi ki, Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m da anas\u0131 kimi g\u00f6z\u0259l qocalacaq:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 boyama\u011fa \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc haz\u0131r hiss el\u0259mir\u0259m. M\u0259n m\u00f6vhumat\u00e7\u0131 deyil\u0259m. Romantikliyim olsa da, h\u0259yata real g\u00f6zl\u0259 bax\u0131ram. M\u00fcsb\u0259t v\u0259 m\u0259nfi emosiyalar, yax\u015f\u0131 v\u0259 pis g\u00fcnl\u0259r m\u00fctl\u0259q bir-birini izl\u0259yir. Boyana, b\u0259z\u0259n\u0259 bilmir\u0259m. \u00d6z\u00fcm\u0259 vaxt ay\u0131rma\u011fa imkan tapanda y\u0259qin ki, sa\u00e7\u0131ma da \u0259l g\u0259zdir\u0259c\u0259y\u0259m.<\/p>\n Hardasa oxumu\u015fdum ki, Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m\u0131n ail\u0259si \u00e7ox a\u011f\u0131r tale ya\u015fay\u0131b. Bunu, onun \u015feirl\u0259rind\u0259ki be\u015fik y\u0131r\u011falanmas\u0131n\u0131 xat\u0131rladan ritmik ruhu il\u0259 tan\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan xeyli sonra bilmi\u015fdim:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Ana t\u0259r\u0259fim \u0259sl\u0259n \u018frd\u0259bild\u0259ndir. 37-ci ild\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn ail\u0259 repressiyan\u0131n qurban\u0131 olub. Anam\u0131n\u00a0 bir \u015feirind\u0259 deyildiyi kimi, \u2013 m\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm bir k\u00f6kl\u00fc yetim- h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n d\u0259 b\u00fct\u00f6v bir ail\u0259 k\u00f6kl\u00fc yetim taleyini ya\u015fay\u0131b. Anam\u0131n babas\u0131 tan\u0131nm\u0131\u015f lo\u011fman idi. N\u0259riman N\u0259rimanovun yax\u0131n silahda\u015f\u0131 olub. \u00d6t\u0259n \u0259srin \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259rind\u0259 yay\u0131lm\u0131\u015f taun x\u0259st\u0259liyini t\u0259m\u0259nnasiz m\u00fcalic\u0259 etmi\u015fdi. H\u00fcseyn Cavidl\u0259 dostlu\u011fu v\u0259 pant\u00fcrkist olmas\u0131 onu repressiya dal\u011fas\u0131ndan xilas ed\u0259 bilm\u0259di.\u00a0 Babas\u0131, n\u0259n\u0259si, \u00fc\u00e7 day\u0131s\u0131, iki xalas\u0131 \u0130rana s\u00fcrg\u00fcn olunub. Birc\u0259 Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m\u0131n anas\u0131, m\u0259nim n\u0259n\u0259m burda qal\u0131b. \u00c7\u00fcnki o vaxt m\u0259nim babama ni\u015fanl\u0131 imi\u015f. Onlar\u0131 \u0130rana s\u00fcrg\u00fcn ed\u0259nd\u0259 deyibl\u0259r ki, m\u00fcv\u0259qq\u0259ti gedirsiniz, bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t sonra qay\u0131dacaqs\u0131n\u0131z. T\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcf ki, bununla da s\u0259rh\u0259d bird\u0259f\u0259lik ba\u011flan\u0131b. N\u0259n\u0259m bir daha valideynl\u0259rinin, qarda\u015f v\u0259 bac\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rm\u0259yib. V\u0259 n\u0259n\u0259min \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu da\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu nisgil anama da ke\u00e7mi\u015fdi. Anam deyirdi ki, n\u0259n\u0259m \u00e7ox sakit t\u0259bi\u0259tli qad\u0131n idi. Bir d\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcn arxa otaqdan h\u0259zin s\u0259sl\u0259, \u201cG\u0259lmi\u015f\u0259m ota\u011f\u0131na oyadam s\u0259ni, qaragil\u0259\u201d dey\u0259 z\u00fcmz\u00fcm\u0259 edirdi v\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259ri dolurdu. Ata t\u0259r\u0259fim b\u0259y n\u0259slin\u0259 aid oldu\u011funa g\u00f6r\u0259, s\u00fcrg\u00fcn h\u0259yat\u0131 onlar\u0131n da n\u0259sibi olub. Ancaq bunlar bir q\u0259d\u0259r daha taleli \u00e7\u0131x\u0131blar. \u00d6lk\u0259d\u0259n getm\u0259yibl\u0259r. O vaxtlar ulu babam Mir C\u0259f\u0259r Ba\u011f\u0131rovla yax\u0131n dost imi\u015f. Babama z\u0259ng edib ki, g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcz n\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7at\u0131r g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcn v\u0259 gec\u0259yl\u0259 o rayondan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131n. \u00c7\u00fcnki bu gec\u0259 s\u0259n h\u0259bs olunacaqsan. Canlar\u0131n\u0131 qurtarsalar da, repressiya h\u0259m m\u0259n\u0259vi, h\u0259m d\u0259 maddi bax\u0131mdan h\u0259yatlar\u0131ndan izsiz \u00f6t\u00fc\u015fm\u0259yib. Amma d\u0259yirmanlar\u0131, m\u00fclkl\u0259ri, ilx\u0131lar\u0131 olan bu adam\u0131n m\u00fclk\u00fcnd\u0259n he\u00e7 bir ni\u015fan\u0259 qalmay\u0131b. Ora ged\u0259nd\u0259 d\u0259 qohum evind\u0259 qal\u0131ram.<\/p>\n \u2013 Bu nec\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck bir roman\u0131n m\u00f6vzusudur. H\u0259yatda nec\u0259 faci\u0259l\u0259r, nec\u0259 a\u011f\u0131r talel\u0259r var:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m bu hadis\u0259l\u0259ri yaz\u0131rd\u0131. Amma t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcf ki, tamamlaya bilm\u0259di onu. M\u0259n bayaq onunla ba\u011fl\u0131 t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcfl\u0259ndiyim m\u0259qamlardan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Onlardan biri d\u0259 o idi ki, onun \u0259lind\u0259n \u00e7ox yaz\u0131lar\u0131 ala bilm\u0259dim. \u018flim\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u0259nl\u0259ri \u00e7ap edirdik. \u00d6z\u00fc d\u0259 dil\u0259 olduqca h\u0259ssas yana\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Allah el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259ydi, onun yaz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n bir yerind\u0259 \u00e7ap s\u0259hvi olayd\u0131, n\u00f6qt\u0259nin yerin\u0259 verg\u00fcl ged\u0259ydi. Onda az qala f\u0259lak\u0259t ba\u015f verirdi. Bu yax\u0131nlarda T\u0259nzil\u0259 R\u00fcst\u0259mxanl\u0131 dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131 ki, biz \u0259ziyy\u0259tl\u0259 \u201cYol gedir\u0259m\u201d kitab\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ap el\u0259tdirdik. O is\u0259 g\u0259lib m\u0259tb\u0259\u0259d\u0259 \u00e7ap q\u00fcsurlar\u0131 il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 q\u0131zlara ac\u0131qlan\u0131b ki, siz hans\u0131 savad\u0131n yiy\u0259sisiniz, bu c\u00fcr s\u0259hvl\u0259r edirsiniz, ax\u0131 sizin n\u0259 ixtiyar\u0131n\u0131z var? M\u0259n \u015feird\u0259 \u201ck\u00f6p\u00fcl\u00fc\u201d yazm\u0131\u015fam, siz \u201ck\u00f6rp\u00fcl\u00fc\u201d ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u00fcz. Bir gedin l\u00fc\u011f\u0259td\u0259 axtar\u0131n, g\u00f6r\u00fcn bu s\u00f6z n\u0259 dem\u0259kdi. Yaz\u0131lar\u0131na olduqca h\u0259ssas yana\u015f\u0131rd\u0131 v\u0259 indi d\u0259 t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcfl\u0259nir\u0259m ki, niy\u0259 onun yaz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 vaxt\u0131nda al\u0131b \u00e7ap ed\u0259 bilm\u0259dim. Arxivind\u0259n b\u0259zi m\u0259tnl\u0259ri \u00e7apa verm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m, amma h\u0259l\u0259 tam ara\u015fd\u0131rmam\u0131\u015fam. O yaz\u0131lar\u0131na qar\u015f\u0131 h\u0259m d\u0259 s\u0259liq\u0259siz, bigan\u0259 idi. Bu yax\u0131nlarda onun haqq\u0131nda yaz\u0131lan \u015feirl\u0259rd\u0259 deyilir ki, Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m, g\u00fcl\u00fc sevdi, \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259yi sevdi, b\u00f6c\u0259yi sevdi, amma \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc sev\u0259 bilm\u0259di. Bu d\u0259 m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bir nisgildi. Kim olsayd\u0131 \u015feirini, \u0259s\u0259rini yazan kimi \u00e7apa ver\u0259rdi, dost tan\u0131\u015fa g\u00f6nd\u0259rib haqq\u0131nda yaz\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259y\u0259rdi. Bu is\u0259 yaz\u0131b y\u0131\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 ki, bunlar\u0131 redakt\u0259 edib, sonra \u00e7apa ver\u0259c\u0259y\u0259m. Bilir\u0259m ki, o \u0259s\u0259rin ad\u0131 \u201cB\u00f6y\u00fck k\u00f6\u00e7 idi\u201d. O hadis\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ayr\u0131-ayr\u0131 \u015feirl\u0259r d\u0259 var idi.<\/p>\n O ged\u0259n sarayd\u0131r… Bu insanlar do\u011frudan da k\u0259d\u0259rli tale ya\u015fay\u0131blar. \u0130rana s\u00fcrg\u00fcn edil\u0259nd\u0259n sonra anam\u0131n bir day\u0131s\u0131 \u0130ran \u015fah\u0131n\u0131n m\u00fc\u015faviri v\u0259zif\u0259sin\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r y\u00fcks\u0259lmi\u015fdi. Bir day\u0131s\u0131 \u0130randa \u00e7ox m\u0259\u015fhur r\u0259ssam olub. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 biz\u0259 z\u0259ng el\u0259dil\u0259r ki, tez televizoru yand\u0131r\u0131n. Dem\u0259li, bir jurnalist xan\u0131m \u0130rana ged\u0259r\u0259k, orda ya\u015fayan az\u0259rbaycanl\u0131larla ba\u011fl\u0131 verili\u015f haz\u0131rlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131.\u00a0 Dan\u0131\u015f\u0131blar ki, burda \u00e7ox m\u0259\u015fhur r\u0259ssam var idi \u2013 A\u011fak\u0259rim Hac\u0131zad\u0259, Az\u0259rbaycandan s\u00fcrg\u00fcn olunub. Sonra onun q\u0259brini g\u00f6st\u0259ribl\u0259r v\u0259 deyibl\u0259r ki, onun bac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n q\u0131z\u0131 da Az\u0259rbaycanda \u015fair\u0259dir. Uzun ill\u0259r s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rin a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 h\u0259r iki t\u0259r\u0259f g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdi. Anam\u0131n \u0259n \u00e7ox ist\u0259diyi day\u0131s\u0131 A\u011fak\u0259rim idi, \u00e7\u00fcnki m\u0259n\u0259n \u00e7ox yax\u0131n idil\u0259r. Day\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n biri art\u0131q r\u0259hm\u0259t\u0259 getmi\u015fdi, dig\u0259ri ticar\u0259tl\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011ful idi. Amma bu day\u0131 il\u0259 bac\u0131 q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n bir-birin\u0259 nec\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu\u011funu, g\u00f6nd\u0259ril\u0259n m\u0259ktublarda, \u015f\u0259kill\u0259rd\u0259, h\u0259diyy\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6st\u0259rirdi v\u0259 m\u0259n bunun \u015fahidi olmu\u015fam. T\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr edin, o day\u0131, s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259r a\u00e7\u0131lan g\u00fcnd\u0259n, insanlar\u0131n bir-birini tap\u0131b \u201cehey, m\u0259n burdayam\u201d dediyi g\u00fcnd\u0259n bir ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcn \u00f6nc\u0259 r\u0259hm\u0259t\u0259 getdi. Bu da anama daha bir z\u0259rb\u0259 oldu.\u00a0 Sonra biz bil\u0259nd\u0259 ki, o v\u0259fat ed\u0259nd\u0259 T\u0259brizd\u0259 \u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcn, \u00fc\u00e7 gec\u0259 \u015feypurlar \u00e7al\u0131n\u0131b, yas saxlan\u0131l\u0131b, k\u0259d\u0259rl\u0259nm\u0259kl\u0259 yana\u015f\u0131 i\u00e7imizd\u0259n bir q\u00fcrur hiss d\u0259 ke\u00e7irdi.\u00a0 H\u0259min o yar\u0131m\u00e7\u0131q roman\u0131 tapa bils\u0259m, \u00e7ox g\u00fcman ki davam\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcm yazaca\u011fam.<\/p>\n Jal\u0259 xan\u0131ma d\u0259rs dediyi universitetd\u0259ki t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259l\u0259ri z\u0259ng el\u0259mi\u015fdil\u0259r. Gecikmi\u015f bayram tortunu yem\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn icaz\u0259 al\u0131rd\u0131lar. Telefon dan\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan hiss olunurdu ki, Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259l\u0259rini \u00e7ox ist\u0259yir.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Universitetd\u0259, t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259k \u00e7ox maraql\u0131d\u0131. Amma bilirsiniz, q\u0259rib\u0259dir ki, t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259l\u0259rin bir \u00e7oxu he\u00e7 n\u0259 il\u0259 maraqlanm\u0131r. Soru\u015furam ki, n\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011fulsunuz? Deyir, g\u00fcnortaya q\u0259d\u0259r yat\u0131ram, sonra d\u0259rs\u0259 g\u0259lir\u0259m. Ax\u015fam m\u0259hl\u0259d\u0259 u\u015faqlarla s\u00f6hb\u0259t el\u0259yir\u0259m, ax\u015fam da \u201cwhats up\u201dda yaz\u0131\u015f\u0131b yuxuya gedir\u0259m. N\u0259 vaxta q\u0259d\u0259r? Bu yax\u0131nlarda h\u0259min t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n soru\u015furam ki, bu fakult\u0259y\u0259 nec\u0259 q\u0259bul olmusunuz? M\u0259lum olur ki, bunlar II ixtisas qrupuna s\u0259n\u0259d vermi\u015f u\u015faqlard\u0131, \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck arzular\u0131 iqtisad\u00e7\u0131 olmaqd\u0131. \u0130st\u0259dikl\u0259ri fakult\u0259y\u0259 ballar\u0131 \u00e7atmay\u0131b, g\u0259lib d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcbl\u0259r filologiyaya. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 \u00e7oxlar\u0131na m\u0259nim \u0259d\u0259biyyatdan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131m maraqs\u0131zd\u0131r. D\u00fczd\u00fcr test \u00fcsulunun bir \u00e7ox \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fckl\u0259ri var. Amma ortaya xeyli\u00a0 probleml\u0259r d\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131r.<\/p>\n Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m\u0131n ovqat\u0131 d\u00fcz\u0259lmi\u015fdi v\u0259 m\u0259n buna \u00e7ox sevinirdim.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Biz uzun m\u00fcdd\u0259t bulvar\u0131n yax\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f\u0131q. H\u0259r g\u00fcn deyirdik, bulvara d\u00fc\u015f\u0259k, g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xa bilmirdik. \u0130ndi k\u00f6\u00e7m\u00fc\u015f\u00fck burdan, bulvar\u0131n h\u0259sr\u0259tini \u00e7\u0259kirik. Tez-tez ma\u015f\u0131nla g\u0259lib d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fck, bir az g\u0259zi\u015fib qay\u0131d\u0131r\u0131q.<\/p>\n Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc v\u0259 bu g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f ona \u00e7ox yara\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Zarafata sal\u0131b mill\u0259t v\u0259kili Elmira xan\u0131m Axundovan\u0131n\u00a0 Milli M\u0259clis\u0259 akkredit\u0259 olunan jurnalistl\u0259rin m\u0259clisl\u0259rd\u0259 sona q\u0259d\u0259r oturmamaqlar\u0131 il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 irad\u0131na fikrini bildirdi. Dedi, fikir vermisinizs\u0259, h\u0259min jurnalistl\u0259r el\u0259 t\u0259dbirl\u0259rd\u0259 d\u0259 sona q\u0259d\u0259r oturmurlar. \u0130lk on-on be\u015f d\u0259qiq\u0259d\u0259 kimin b\u0259xti g\u0259tirib \u00e7\u0131x\u0131\u015f el\u0259dis\u0259, m\u0259tbuata da o \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r. Yazanda da \u201cv\u0259 dig\u0259rl\u0259ri d\u0259 filan fikirl\u0259ri dedi\u201d c\u00fcml\u0259si il\u0259 \u00f6zl\u0259rini v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xard\u0131rlar.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m bizi bulvarda qoymay\u0131b ma\u015f\u0131n\u0131na d\u0259v\u0259t el\u0259di. Bil\u0259nd\u0259 ki, anas\u0131n\u0131 ziyar\u0259t etm\u0259y\u0259 ged\u0259c\u0259k, yolumuzun \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259ki Yasamal m\u0259zarl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda uyuyan Nur\u0259ngiz xan\u0131m\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259 biz d\u0259 getdik…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Ax\u015fam idi. Hava, el\u0259 bil, \u0259ynini soyunub, paltar\u0131n\u0131 yanan \u00e7\u0131ra\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 atd\u0131\u011f\u0131n otaq kimi q\u0259fil qaralm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Amma uzaqdan i\u015f\u0131qlar g\u00f6z\u0259 d\u0259yirdi, el\u0259 paltar alt\u0131nda son i\u015fart\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6z\u0259 d\u0259y\u0259n \u00e7\u0131ra\u011f\u0131n alovu kimi. Bu, uzaqdan g\u0259l\u0259n ma\u015f\u0131nlar\u0131n i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 da ola bil\u0259rdi, k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259 dir\u0259kl\u0259rinin d\u0259, h\u0259rd\u0259nbir g\u00f6z\u0259 d\u0259y\u0259n ulduzlar\u0131n da. Ham\u0131s\u0131 da yan\u0131rd\u0131, isti idil\u0259r, y\u0259qin ki. \u015e\u0259had\u0259t barma\u011f\u0131m\u0131 uzaqdan g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n i\u015f\u0131\u011fa sar\u0131 uzad\u0131b p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 toxundum.\u00a0 Soyuq idi, buz kimi \u2013 ke\u00e7mi\u015f kimi \u2013 olub bitmi\u015f sevinc kimi, k\u0259d\u0259r kimi. T\u0259rli p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin uzaqda g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n i\u015f\u0131q t\u0259r\u0259fin\u0259 toxunan barma\u011f\u0131m\u0131n yerind\u0259n damc\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fca\u015fa\u011f\u0131 qa\u00e7\u0131b c\u0131\u011f\u0131r a\u00e7d\u0131. Avtobusla ev\u0259 gedirdim v\u0259 Jal\u0259 xan\u0131m\u0131n s\u0259ssiz, amma alovu m\u0259ni qarsan yan\u011f\u0131 il\u0259 a\u011flama\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin qaba\u011f\u0131ndan getmirdi.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2013 Evd\u0259 t\u0259k qal\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z? \u2013 H\u0259. \u2013 Dar\u0131xm\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z? \u2013 Yox. Dar\u0131xma\u011fa vaxt olmur. \u2013 H\u0259r halda, y\u0259qin ki, iki insan\u0131n ard-arda evd\u0259n getm\u0259si h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131za t\u0259sirsiz \u00f6t\u00fc\u015fm\u0259yib. \u2013 \u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r anam \u00f6z evind\u0259 ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131. Son iki ild\u0259 is\u0259 x\u0259st\u0259liyi il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 olaraq m\u0259niml\u0259 qal\u0131rd\u0131. M\u0259n art\u0131q \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn bir evd\u0259 ya\u015fama\u011f\u0131na \u00f6yr\u0259\u015fmi\u015fdim. Q\u0131z\u0131m ail\u0259 qurdu, evd\u0259n getdi, anam […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":28118,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-18785","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-musahib-zrdab-hsn-by-zrdabi-mrkzi-aran"},"yoast_head":"\n
\nYeriyir, y\u0131x\u0131l\u0131r, itib-bat\u0131r dumanda,
\nQalx\u0131r, yen\u0259 a\u011far\u0131r, yeriyir, d\u0259rd
\nverir…
\nO ged\u0259n harayd\u0131r!..
\nYax\u0131l\u0131r, da\u011f\u0131l\u0131r, itir-bat\u0131r dumanda,
\noyan\u0131r, \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r \u00e7\u0259n i\u00e7i!.. D\u0259rd
\nverir…
\nO ged\u0259n
\nged\u0259nl\u0259rimdir m\u0259nim!
\nMehrab\u0131m, d\u0259rgah\u0131m,
\n\u015f\u0259hr\u00fc-yar\u0131m, h\u0259m\u015f\u0259rim,
\nh\u0259m\u015f\u0259h\u0259rli did\u0259l\u0259rim,
\nd\u0259d\u0259l\u0259rimdir
\nm\u0259nim.
\nGed\u0259nl\u0259r
\nk\u00f6n\u00fcl abid\u0259l\u0259rim!-
\ns\u0259cd\u0259gah\u0131m, can evim, tayfam-
\ntuyfam,
\nqollar\u0131m,
\nb\u0259d\u0259nim, \u0259lll\u0259rimdir m\u0259nim!..
\nAh, eyvah!..
\n\u00c7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131b, \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131b… gedibl\u0259r.<\/p>\nFeyziyy\u0259<\/b><\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"